These past few months have opened my eyes to the power in positivity and negativity.
It is amazing how both can spread throughout your life like wild fire… It is unfortunate that the negativity is included in that fact, but it is true. I experienced it first hand and let it seep deep in to my life where it did not belong at all.
Love can be truly blinding and I allowed my naivety to get the best of me. I believed that my love would be enough for the both of us. And now I know, though it can be a one way street, it is never the best traffic route in terms of one’s love life.
Looking back now, it started so great. It was fun, new, exciting. But life got in the way, as it always does. I guess that is inevitable in the end. With the developing relationship came strain and stress for my then significant other. With me being the optimist, I never cared how difficult the circumstances became, I was willing to pull my weight (and more) to keep the ship afloat. Over time, the tides changed and the bow broke further with each tidal wave of distance, money, and stress of when we would see each other next. We sank deeper and deeper into the sea of separation.
With love being the catalyst to the wreck, it ironically also became my life boat. I was able to let go and be free of the carnage knowing he was now giving his love to another. It cut the noose of hope that was choking me for so long. As terrible as that sounds, I mean it in that the hope I was feeling was not beneficial to my wellbeing. It was not the hope one should have.
Isn’t it beautiful how love works? No matter how many times I have cursed the feeling, I do not regret letting myself learn from it.
The constant feelings of neglect, discomfort, and confusion wiggled their way further in to my life and my other relationships. My friends were vanishing beyond the horizon, the winds were dying and I was at a stand still. I never understood the impact it would have on others. I do wish it was more apparent to me long before it started affecting those around me, however life is about the experiences we can learn from. I would be none the wiser if I hadn’t gone through what I did on my own. The neglect and discomfort I was receiving began to reflect beyond my intimate relationship and on to my best friends. I cannot express enough how truly embarrassed and sorry I am for allowing it to be that way.
As soon as the storm lifted, the clouds cleared. The sea calmed. The sun rose even higher in the sky and my sails filled with the air of new beginnings and light. I was on my way to rescue my friends from the horizon. The amount of forgiveness they gave me w
I was no longer sailing, I was soaring. Soaring so high that nothing could rip me down. Even still, nothing can rip me down. And I hope this feeling carries me throughout the rest of my life in the darkest of times.
To my friends, I love you all. My blessings come in threes. Meghan, Heather, Kailee, you are all true blessings in my life and I am so grateful.
***Disclaimer: I am in no way bashing my former relation. In fact I cherish the memories we share and the lessons I have learned because of him. He allowed me to learn more about myself… things that I thought I already knew, were brought further in to the light of understanding. I feel no anger towards him and no regret with the relationship we shared. Also, I am so very happy that he has found someone else to love. Though at one moment in my life I wished that could have been me.. I am now fully content with it not.
Onward and upward.
Thank you so much for reading,